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  Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
Weirdness Posted by Peter Grey on March 10, 2001 @ 11:09 PM
from the speak-of-the-devil dept.

A cut-out-and-keep guide!

Always describe Crowley as a 'Satanist' and focus on his self styling as 'The Great Beast 666'. Use his name to prop up any news story that needs a picture of a goat or a bald nutter hastily photoshopped onto it.

Never use the word 'mystic', 'visionary', 'poet', (unless scoffing) or 'Prophet of the New Aeon', ever. Everything he did, said, wrote, painted, etched, carved, etc., was bad. You may want to mention he climbed the odd mountain so it looks like you at least did some research.

Crowley’s philosophy is called Thelema. The quickest way to describe this for your readers is by quoting his key phrase

'Do What Ever you want’.

Make sure you ram home the horror of this. Freedom does not work. It will kill you, and rape you while eating your babies. Make sure you remember the babies part; this is important.

On no account read anything he actually wrote.

Make sure you quote him on child sacrifices. The Evil Black Magic Satanist Crowley said:

'Male children, yeah mate, I kill thousands of them every year'

Then you can link him to any schizophrenic killers you want.

Note: If a schizophrenic claims 'God' or 'Jesus' made them do it, do not blame Christianity. This is obviously the work of a lone nutter and not the fault of 'God' or 'Jesus'.

Any idiot with a pentagram or some item of black clothing or a long coat or that looks a bit funny is an 'occultist' or 'satanist' and their actions should be blamed on Crowley. He was a very bad man indeed and really quite spooky looking too.

Key Facts to cut and paste into your article

  • Crowley turned one of his disciples into a camel.
  • Crowley cursed and killed (insert random name).
  • Magic does not work and is self delusion.
  • Crowley poisoned and killed another disciple at his squalid free love commune in Sicily.
  • Crowley ate babies.
  • Crowley was a heroin addict.
  • Crowley fucked everything that moved, including boys and goats.
  • He shaved his head and wore big rings, a sure fire sign of unstoppable evil.
  • Crowley wrote The Book of the Law, which is full of evil snakes, beetles, and hawks eating all previously trademarked deities. (Let alone that shocking bit about the Virgin Mary.)
  • You have to promise to burn the book after reading it or the devil will get you.
  • All his children died due to black magic.
  • He killed a cat and at least one frog we know of.
  • Crowley claimed to be the Beast 666 and was a Satanist.
  • Crowley and Hitler were great mates.
  • Led Zeppelin dedicated their work to him. (Hint: try not to libel Jimmy Page again.)

You can’t libel the dead. Just make up anything spicy, he's bound to have done it.

Stories you can link to Crowley:

Heavy Metal, Heroin, Nu Metal, Goths, Marilyn Manson, Charles Manson, Masons, Paedophilia, Bestiality (esp. goats), Necrophilia, 666, Rave culture, UFOs, Tim Leary, Hitler, Tellytubbies, Satan, Devil, Evil, Possession, Homosexualists, Vampires, Witches, The Whore of Babylon, Sex, drugs, rock and roll, and anything a bit spooky.

Remember, impressionable people read your articles, so it is your moral duty to smear this evil character and create a sales boosting news story at the same time. Please circulate this to your other busy colleagues. I hope this saves you all time, effort and thought.

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  • The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them.

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Nekial on Sunday March 11, @03:16PM


    (You forgot about all those "coolies" he ate while on Himalayan expeditions ;-)

    93 93/93

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Shader XX on Sunday March 11, @08:10PM
    ...now i know why i call myself a surrealist thelemite, there are so many nuances to evil
    and devildom, that when Andre' Breton said that the simplest surrealist act would be to go out
    and shoot people at random in the crowd, i think
    he was anticipating Crowley passing through Paris
    at the parellel junture in time, and was attempting to not be out done by him, or perhaps
    he was hoping that one of the ramdom shots would
    magicly happen to have Crowleys name on it, that is how much of a nudge Crowley was to the intelligencia scene at the time...

    But really folks what other character so totaly
    captures the imagination in the last century!
    i think Satan must be turning over in his abode
    like a snow ball in hell!!!...just think of his
    jealous rage at having been so upstaged!

    no wonder Crowley was on the sargent peppers album cover!...he magickaly morfed himself there, so
    the beetles became the Beatles!...ya ya ya...666

    zing zing zing XX 93...number nine...number nine..

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Tim Maroney on Monday March 12, @12:21PM
    Why should a mainstream journalist employ an ideological propaganda phrase like "prophet of the new aeon"? Maybe they should write articles on Christianity referring to "our blessed lord and savior" too....

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Pavo on Monday March 12, @01:14PM
    Don't forget the Hubbard angle either. Be sure to mention that Crowley was Elron's "very good friend". Along with this, always include at least three of the following:

    A. That Hubbard was a disciple of Crowley's between 1947 and 1949.

    B. That Hubbard was an Adeptus Exemptus in the OTO.

    C. That Hubbard was Crowley's successor to the OTO leadership.

    D. That the Scientology cross was copied from Crowley's "Satanic crossed-out cross" on the back of his Tarot deck.

    E. Use Crowley as the connection between Hubbard and Hitler.

    F. Mention that the Parsons crater is on the "dark side" of the moon.

    G. Mention that it is highly unlikely that such an experienced chemist as Parsons would have accidentally blown himself up and speculate that he was murdered.

    Include this element and it should make for a well-rounded story. Include any articles you write on this topic in your portfolio and you should be a shoe-in for a job at the _Weekly World News_.

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Patrick E. McCaffery on Wednesday March 14, @05:25PM
    Ok ...you people started this.

    (lines of rational thought)
    ------------------------------end here.

    To widen and further obscure pop-myth I would like to present a few notable rumors:

    (1) Its is completely possible if not probable that Mr. A. Crowsley (a.k.a. the Beast) , L Ronaldo Hubbnard (a.k.a. the Bully) and J. Whitelsome Parksons(a.k.a. the Fire Cracka) were and are actually the reincarnated, trans-polly-oxy-profilized down through the ages and pooped out, Three Secret Chiefs of popular occult mythology and are presently renting and sharing a town home in the "Shangri-La" area of the Himalayas.

    (2) Their collective control and obvious influence over all forms of mass media, financial and institutional funding, religious and social stratum,scientific investigation, parties, slinky's, clubs, dance trends and most importantly deviant sexual practices (-the work of implants-) is proof of their present and continued meddling in mankind's gradual progress and otherwise civilized evolution. - Those bastards! (editor's note)

    (3) This otherworldly cartel is purportedly receiving large amounts of funding via the semi-dimensional firm of Xenu Inc. who specialize in providing funding for triad protection rackets on the astral plane, Subversion of the Galactic Federation, Illegal and Unauthorized Soul Distribution, blatant Metallic-Tape littering, and the causing of volcanoes to erupt.

    You can say "I knew it!" now, and "Damn Them!".

    Warning Unsuspecting Reader!
    QUICK! Burn your computer monitor! Better yet...just burn your whole computer as it has already been defiled by the presence of these ever so blackest of truths. Then burn your clothes, take a bath then burn that too, then burn your house down and finally go out and get the worst sun-burn possible to further rid yourselves of any lasting phase-mastic effects - or theatanic hangings-on of possible bad spirit clusters formed by the reading of this document.

    (lines of rational thought)
    ------------------------------start here.


    • Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
      by Shader OXO on Thursday March 15, @03:19AM
      ...when we were doing the first batch of the Rites of Eleusis, St. Hellens was erupting, i can tell you that there seemed to be some cosmic parallel,
      but i am not exactly sure what since Jehova was originaly associated with a volcano, it just seemed that the events were happening in dramatic style, with the earth speaking in firey belches
      and raining kali's karma free ash...!

      i remember looking out the window in the room we were doing the Jupiter Rite in, and the cloud formation looked to me like some Mt. Olympis..

      i never saw clouds that way before or since..

      i was thanking Crowley deep in my heart!

      from Rite of Mars

      Happy, yea happy! happy is he
      That hath looked forth upon the Beir
      That goeth to the House of Rest!
      His heart is lit with melody;
      Peace in his house is master of fear;
      his holy Name is in the West

    Re: Aleister Crowley for Busy Journalists
    by Will Hill on Thursday April 04, @11:11AM
    I saw a picture one time of Mr. Crowley with his wife, son, and daughter. That was the only time I ever heard mention that he even had a family. Could you give me more info about his family, what happened to his wife, his children? I heard he was married 3 times also and that 2 of his wives committed suicide, is this true?

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