wise men love donkeys

The Ass Festival

Shamelessly plagiarized from Saint Nietzsche's
Thus Spake Zarathustra

First performed at
Horus of Two Horizons
Io Pan Jam
by the Cult of the Gnostic Ass

The temple is a cleared circle outdoors. In the center is a live Ass, preferably a jack, well-groomed and provided with food. The ass is attended by two Assistant Sacerdotes, robed in grey, wearing ropes tied as donkey tails around their waists, and with bells on strings around their necks. The Chief Asseverator is similarly dressed, but he remains at the periphery of the circle with the remainder of the congregation.

AS1: Amen! And glory and honour and wisdom and thanks and praise and strength be to our God, from everlasting to everlasting!

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS2: He carried our burdens, he hath taken upon him the form of a servant, he is patient of heart and never saith Nay; and he who loveth his God chastiseth him.

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS1: He speaketh not: except that he ever saith Yea to the world which he created: thus doth he extol his world. It is his artfulness that speaketh not: thus is he rarely found wrong.

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS2: Uncomely goeth he through the world. Grey is the favourite colour in which he wrappeth his virtue. Hath he spirit, then doth he conceal it; every one, however, believeth in his long ears.

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS1: What hidden wisdom it is to wear long ears, and only to say Yea and never Nay! Hath he not created the world in his own image, namely, as stupid as possible?

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS2: Thou goest straight and crooked ways; it concerneth thee little what seemeth straight or crooked unto us men. Beyond good and evil is thy domain. It is thine innocence not to know what innocence is.

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS1: Lo! how thou spurnest none from thee, neither beggars nor kings. Thou sufferest little children to come unto thee, and when the bad boys decoy thee, then sayest thou simply, Yea-huh!

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

AS2: Thou lovest she-asses and fresh figs, thou art no food-despiser. A thistle tickleth thy heart when thou chancest to be hungry. There is the wisdom of a God therein.

All: Yea-huh! IAhO!

CA: Are we blasphemers, or are we fools, with these adorations?

AS1: Better to adore God so, in this form, than in no form at all! Think over this saying, mine exalted friend: thou wilt readily divine that in such a saying there is wisdom. He who said 'God is a Spirit' made the greatest stride and slide hitherto made on earth towards unbelief: such a dictum is not easily amended again on earth! My heart leapeth and boundeth because there is still something to adore on earth.

CA: Can we call ourselves free of superstition? When we practice such idolatry and hierolatry?

AS2: It is sad enough, thou art right: but how can I help it! The old God liveth again, thou mayst say what thou wilt. And if we say that we once killed him, with Gods death is always just a prejudice.

CA: Who ought to believe any longer in us in this free age, if we profess in such divine donkeyism? It is a stupid thing! How could shrewd people like us indulge such a stupid thing?

AS1: Thou art right, it is a stupid thing; it is also repugnant to me. Thus we overcome our weaknesses!

CA: Doth nothing go against our consciences here? Are our spirits not too cleanly for this praying and the fumes of these devotees?

AS2: There is something in this spectacle which even doeth good to my conscience. Perhaps I dare not believe in God: certain it is however, that God seemeth to me most worthy of belief in this form. God is said to be eternal, according to the testimony of the most pious: he who hath so much time taketh his time. As slow and as stupid as possible: thereby can such a one nevertheless go very far. And he who hath too much spirit might well become infatuated with stupidity and folly.

CA: Whether this donkey god yet liveth, or again liveth, or is thoroughly dead-who knows? How our hearts convulse with delight and wickedness, because we become again like little children-because we do as children do-namely, pray, fold our hands and say 'good God'! To be sure: except ye become as little children ye shall not enter into that kingdom of heaven. (points aloft)

AS1&2: But we do not at all want to enter into the kingdom of heaven: we have become human--so we want the kingdom of earth.

CA: O my friends, how well do ye now please me! Ye have, verily, all blossomed forth: it seemeth to me that for such flowers as you, new festivals are required. A little valiant nonsense, some divine service and ass-festival, some old joyful prophet fool, some blusterer to blow your souls bright. Forget not this ass-festival! And should ye celebrate it again, this ass-festival, do it from love to yourselves, do it also from love to me! And in remembrance of me!

AS1&2: So mote it be!

Each in turn kisses the Ass politely and goes off rejoicing.

Cult of the Gnostic Ass
Occasional Sacraments
Vigorous Food & Divine Madness