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Self Realization Posted by Frater Tehuti on August 10, 2001 @ 08:15 AM
from the ennui-the-people dept.

Recently I have struggled with the idea of indifference… how could it be that such a thought as apathy, if that is what it is, is beneficial to anyone?

I sat back in silence as the world went on around me. Motionless, mind in silence, emotions at bay. What I saw was that despite my statue demeanor, everyone continued to play his or her part, unheeded by my reluctance to be an actor in the play around me.

That is what I saw, indeed. A play, a drama, part comedy, all tragedy. Each individual seemingly playing a chosen part in a soap opera as real as life, yet as fake as anything.

This experiment was not the first, of course, but it was the first time I realized how it all worked. Each person in this play I have known for a lifetime: my lifetime. Each person led the other and each followed the other in suit. Working in harmony, they weave a web of tales.

They fashioned themselves in the image that they felt suited not only them, but also the image that they felt suited the roles of the others around them. The ringleader was as much the slave as the slave led the show.

Those who tried their best to be themselves wholly found themselves biting their tongues and nodding in mock agreement, allowing the actors to have their roles; to relinquish a spotlight never theirs in the first place.

I sat and listened as the most paranoid and insecure of them spat out a tale of being strong in the face of danger, when it is all too apparent they fear bending too low to tie their shoelace, let alone stare down the barrel of a gun and continue to grin.

And yet, the strong and the wise of them simply acknowledge the act and nod as they recount a tale, more than likely true to the word, in which they shocked even themselves in the face of danger, giving fuel to the stories brewing and manifesting in the minds of the rest of the actors.

(While sitting here writing this one of the actors came to my room, returning from their night out. And it begins. The most mundane and pointless story is rambled off with the zeal of one who has had a mystical revelation. The story starts off fair enough, and by the time I am fully annoyed it has spun full scale into an adventure full of drama and humor. I fail to feel invigorated, or moved in any way.)

On and on this goes as everyone gives their stories, weaves their spells, and betrays their own true being with stories as fictional as they are real. On and on, the lies spill from half-truths as the eyes of the audience become glossy with weariness or awe. I am not sure who is the fool in this movie.

I realize now how this helps the actors, in a sense. They cover their insecurities with fantasies molded and fashioned from experiences and half-truths, mingled, no doubt, with stories once told to them of equal fictional value.

Until one finds his or her own true will, his or her own true nature and powers thereof, they mold and fashion stories telling their tale, giving purpose to their meaningless, valueless mundane lives – perhaps hoping one day they tell the tale which comes or holds true.

Perhaps they have the right path. Every religion and mythology holds words and stories to be sacred. According to most, the universe was spoken into existence. And yet I sit and remain silent, talking not overmuch, disgusted with this play which unfolds around me, as if it is disease. I believe it is disease.

I have decided indifference is not apathy, but the realization that all truth is a lie, and in lies we find the truth. There is no difference.

I shall sit, and watch, and listen, and learn; let the fool ramble on, for I have learned much thus far.

<  |  >


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The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them.

**Re: Indifference?**
by King Knave on Friday August 10, @11:52PM


  • |Re: Indifference?\\
    by <woof> on Wednesday August 22, @01:11PM\\|

    Aye. huzzah, huzzah!\\

**Re: Indifference?**
by <cameron> on Saturday August 11, @02:06AM

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,

As a dipassionate observer I understand what you are saying, and agree that indifference is not apathy. I believe Crowley began studying Theatre late in his life (according to a personal account of his in Magick Without Tears) for the very same reasons.

Love is the law, love under will,

**Re: Indifference?**
by <Parlertriks> on Monday August 13, @09:48PM

i'm completely indifferent to this subject

**Re: Indifference?**
by <nexist> on Tuesday August 14, @08:42AM

Regarding this topic, I recommend reading Crowley's Little Essays Toward Truth. Specifically, the chapters Sorrow, Laughter and then Indifference.

**Re: Indifference?**
by <Kaladevi> on Tuesday August 14, @08:45AM

FWIW, this description of “indifference” is what tantrics refer to as “non-attachment” to drama and sensation. Where there is non-attachment, the seeds of karma have no propogative soil in which to sprout.



  • |Re: Indifference?\\
    by Micha deBarca on Tuesday August 14, @09:28AM

    This part may be a bit tricky, because one might find relief thru having been overstimulated,\\
    and dub this forced quieting down of the emotional faculty a much sought after mystical state of 'grace' (haha).\\
    Why not agree upon 'becoming stoic'?\\
    Ofcourse I don't care if we can agree on anything, and this my reply just goes to show to what extent I don't care. *winks*\\

  • |Re: Indifference?\\
    by <me> on Tuesday August 14, @12:19PM

    May be true, bar that the use of the term “karma” has been largely corrupted since its inception. There are no moral qualities therein to describe it, and this is where moderninst profs have gone wrong. In fact, I would say that by this experiment one has taken a crucial step in controllin hir karma. Notice the difference opposed to merely avoiding it.\\

**Re: Indifference?**
by Jon Auviere on Tuesday August 14, @12:05PM

You couldn't have picked a better name!

I've tried a similar experiment as a teenager, and it has evolved immensely since into one of the greatest resources for knowledge that, with care, can be utilized for absolute wisdom. When you arise from your silence you will have either a great influential charisma or be as it may a desire for the self-same separatism, which had granted you peace and self-importance for so long. Both are of equal greatness: the madness in which it involves.

Re: Indifference?\\
by <aim> on Tuesday August 21, @01:15AM
But whether or not you even get into silence, if you are *working* shouldn't your actions always be towards *liberation* for all? This is still work that can and should be done with indifference???\\

  • |Re: Indifference?\\
    by <me> on Tuesday August 21, @11:20AM

    Read this http://members.netnormal.com/library/litsun_4.htm\\
    and tell me what you think. (Please no whining.)\\

  • |Re: Indifference?\\
    by Frater Tehuti on Tuesday August 21, @02:59PM

    “But whether or not you even get into silence, if you are *working* shouldn't your actions always be towards *liberation* for all? This is still work that can and should be done with indifference???”\\
    You work for liberation for 'all'? That's quite a goal. You think it possible to liberate 'all', by your lonesome? lol, or even with a large group of others doing the same? Never could happen. It requires the work of 'all', for 'all' to get anywhere. But i should think in order to do our part, we must be indifferent to the harsh realities (in the sense of apathy) and indifferent to the lies and illusions (which therein contain truth, thus there is no difference).\\
    I wondered if maybe we have different definitions of the word going, and so i included two in my reply. If i still missed the mark, say so.\\

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